FSB Author Article
15 Irrational Thoughts To Expect -- And Ignore
By Stacy Morrison,
Author of Falling Apart In One Piece: One Optimist's Journey
Through the Hell of Divorce
In an effort to be helpful to those of you in the hardest part of the tornado, here's a cheat sheet of borderline lunatic thoughts you'll probably have -- and then have to put away before you do yourself more harm than good. It's like your mom always said: "Do you want your face to freeze in that ugly expression?" The soul works the same way.
1. Well, now I have proof: I am defective and
unlovable.
(I don't need to explain to you why you aren't allowed to think this,
but I will anyway: Because it's not true. I repeat, it's not true.)
2. I'll never marry again. I don't need the heartache.
3. If I do get married again, I want a written
guarantee next time.
(Problem is, that marriage contract is, in theory, your "guarantee."
And, as you're now painfully aware, that guarantee isn't binding.
Marriage, love, even the second date -- it's all just a big leap of
faith. Every time.)
4. I want _______ to die.
5. I want to die.
6. I don't want _______ to die. I just want _______ to fall in love and get married and then get unceremoniously dumped the way I've just been dumped.
7. You know what? I always knew deep down that this
wouldn't last.
(Don't rewrite history. You two were in love -- just because it's over
now, doesn't mean it never happened.)
8. I don't want _______ to die -- I just want ______
to be so horribly disfigured in a freak accident that no one can ever
love
him/her again.
(This is the most satisfying of the revenge fantasies, but now that
you've had it and chuckled to yourself, it's time to move on.)
9. I swear, if there were a way to erase all memories
of ______ like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I would do it
in a heartbeat.
(See #7 above. Plus, if you give back all those years, you just end up
being a 24-year-old, or whatever, in a middle-aged body. How awful a
thought is that? Hopefully awful enough you'll realize you need to hold
on to all your life experiences and wisdom, even when they hurt.)
10. My life would have been better if we'd never met.
(Don't give away the good with the bad; you have to keep it all.)
11. Now I'll never have children.
12. Now I'll never have more children.
13. I can't believe I had children with this pathetic individual.
14. Frankly, I'd been thinking of ending things myself for a while now. I just didn't have the energy to say so.
15. I do want him/her to die. And then I can be the
grieving widow/er and not the rejected spouse.
(This is a classic example of bad emotional math: imagining a scenario
where you can't be "blamed" or besmirched has its obvious appeal, but
trust us, being divorced and/or left doesn't necessarily indicate
anything about the person you are -- so you know what? Don't let it.)
© 2011 Stacy Morrison, author of Falling Apart In One Piece: One Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce
Author Bio
Stacy Morrison, author of Falling Apart in One Piece: One
Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, is the former
editor in chief of Redbook magazine. She was formerly
executive
editor at Marie Claire and editor in chief of Modern
Bride, and has appeared as an expert on women, love, sex, money,
and more on Today, CNN Moneyline, and The Early Show, among
many other television programs. Stacy lives in Brooklyn with her
son, Zack.
For more information please visit http://www.fallingapartinonepiece.com/home.asp and Amazon, and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.