FSB Author Article
How to Talk to Little Girls
By Lisa Bloom,
Author of Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a
Dumbed-Down World
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and
adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya,
you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty
ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue
when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first
impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/
well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard
talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give
them a sincere complement to boost their self-esteem? Because they
are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all three- to
six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think:
Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World,
I reveal that fifteen to eighteen percent of girls under twelve
now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating
disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and twenty-five percent
of young American women would rather win America's next top model
than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women
say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from
cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps
happening, and it breaks my heart.
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you
notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It
sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and
boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for
girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women
have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of
meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for
our thoughts and accomplishments.
That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.
"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her
eyes, "very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite,
talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I
love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression
gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused,
though, a little shy of me, a stranger.
"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"
Most kids do.
"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"
"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five year old. You go
on with your bad self, Maya.
"What's your favorite book?" I asked.
"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"
Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya
snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word,
about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of
girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and
what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their
identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the
conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer
pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my
favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and
she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was
pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those
topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.
I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd
write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We
were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time
to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops.
That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her
bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.
So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the
wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female
brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few
minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry,
reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No.
But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.
Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be
surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind,
but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What
does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers.
You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects
her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues:
pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out
there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand?
You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and
accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a
thinking woman says and does.
And let me know the response you get at www.Twitter.com/lisabloom.
Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time.
© 2011 Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World
Author BioLisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World, is an award-winning journalist, legal analyst, trial attorney, and the daughter of renowned women's rights attorney, Gloria Allred.
A daily fixture on American television for the last decade, Bloom is currently the CBS News legal analyst, appearing frequently on The Early Show and CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, as well as the legal analyst for The Dr. Phil Show. Bloom appears regularly on CNN and HLN prime time shows such as Issues With Jane Velez-Mitchell, The Joy Behar Show, Anderson Cooper 360, and The Situation Room. She has been featured on Oprah, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, and many more, and she was a nightly panelist on The Insider throughout 2010. From 2001-2009, Bloom hosted her own daily, live, national show on Court TV, and she has guest-hosted Larry King Live, The Early Show, and Showbiz Tonight.
Bloom has written numerous popular and scholarly articles for the Los Angeles Times, Family Circle, the National Law Journal, CNN.com, the Daily Beast, and many more. She has also been profiled, featured, and quoted in hundreds of publications, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, Elle, Ladies' Home Journal, and Variety.
Bloom graduated early and Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, where she was national college debate champion, and then from the Yale Law School, where she won the moot court competition. She currently lives in Los Angeles where she runs her law firm, The Bloom Firm. TheWrap.com recently named Bloom one of the top five celebrity attorneys in Los Angeles.
For more information please visit http://think.tv/ and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter