FSB Author Article
Planning a Memorial Celebration
By Roberta Temes Ph.D.,
Author of Solace: Finding Your Way
Through Grief and Learning to Live Again
What
is it?
A
memorial celebration is a meeting or party that celebrates the life
of your loved one. It is usually held weeks or months after the
death, after the funeral. You can invite people by telephone or by
email or snail mail or by placing a notice in appropriate
publications.
Where
is it?
Typically,
there are brief speeches, food, music, photos, and actual memorabilia
from the person's life. You may decide to hold the memorial
celebration in your home or in a place meaningful to the deceased.
Memorials have been known to be held at a golf course, a swim club, a
movie theater, a restaurant, and at a school auditorium.
Speeches
If
some guests wish to speak, ask them to time their speeches at home
and adhere to your time limit. One minute is usually sufficient to
convey any message, anecdote, or remembrance. Be strict about this.
If someone is not an accustomed public speaker they may attempt to
ramble on and will surely bore the audience.
A
Memory Table
Assemble
memorabilia on a table or shelf. Select items that represent passions
of the deceased. A playbill, a golf ball, a favorite worn-out tee
shirt, a particular book, a cell-phone, a calculator, and a cap often
find their way on to memory tables.
Food
Food
can be a snack, a full meal, drinks only, coffee and cake, or a
recipe associated with the deceased. If your loved one was known for
his love of Scotch or her fabulous apple pie you know just what to
offer your guests.
You don't need to be elaborate with your music. But do be precise in choosing music linked to the person. It can be songs sung by his/her favorite singer or lyrics describing either the deceased or the feelings the guests share about the deceased.
In my book, Solace: Finding Your Way Through Grief and Learning to Live Again, I talk about a memorial service where grandchildren wrote an original song in their grandfather's memory and then sang it for the guests at the memorial party.
Photos
Create
a photo area showing the life of your loved one from childhood until
death. Some folks make a slide show of significant life events and
either project it at the memorial or let guests know where to find it
on the Internet.
Poems
If
there is a particular poem that your loved one enjoyed, or a poem
that represents your loved one, it's a good idea to have someone
read it. A quotation that is fitting may also be read at this time.
For
the Attendees
Give
something to your guests to take home. You can use your computer to
create a photo montage, a small booklet of appropriate poems or
quotations, a copy of all published obituaries, and any other
personal tributes. Guests will appreciate just one page, with the
name of the deceased, the dates of birth and death, and a photo. As
a final honor to the deceased, consider giving guests balloons that
they can release as they leave the memorial celebration.
©2009 Roberta Temes Ph.D., author of Solace:
Finding Your Way
Through Grief and Learning to Live Again
Author Bio
Roberta Temes, Ph.D., author of Solace: Finding
Your Way
Through Grief and Learning to Live Again, is a noted
psychotherapist who has taught classes in death, dying, and bereavement
at schools such as Downstate Medical School and CUNY. She is the author
of several books, including the award-winning Living with
an Empty Chair: A Guide Through Grief and The Tapping Cure.
She lives in Scotch Plains, New Jersey.