Excerpt
from I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis
by Jerry White
There is much at stake. Embracing the patterns of victimhood has cost
the human race a great deal. Headlines of terrorism, violence, and
disaster assault us with increasing frequency. And the mass of victims
grows daily. Individuals blame one another. Communities put up walls.
Nations blame nations. How can we turn the victim tide, reaching out to
the growing number of hurting individuals, providing the hope and
support they need to transform into survivors who seek to fulfill their
potential, who aspire to thrive? Can we help ourselves do the same?
Will we start reaching out to others, connecting our hardship and
theirs? It takes courage and a lot of hard work to turn the tide. It
requires letting go of past resentments and bitterness. It means moving
forward. I hope, by our example, we can help the world do likewise,
building a future with survivors united.
We won't get very far without first looking in the mirror and taking
full responsibility for our own survivor trek. We might have to sit
down with pen and paper to chart the facts of our lives -- marking the
dates of sorrow and joy -- with notes on the ups and downs of emotion
and evolving relationships. Keep in mind all the survivors throughout
history who have marked the way. Their survivor compass, using the five
steps, will help guide us.
Our dates with disaster are not over. We will get knocked to the ground
again. But there, with our senses assaulted, we will notice things we
never noticed before. I think of one of our national before-and-after
moments -- September 11. I hope it has not further propelled us into a
culture of fear and retribution. Fear is the twin of victimhood and the
enemy of survivorship, both individually and collectively. Only if we
can put fear behind us can we live fully. That is not to say there
aren't things to fear in this world. Terrorist attacks are meant to terrify. But that doesn't mean we should live trapped in fear.
Though we don't ever fully "recover" from devastation and loss, we can
and must integrate our toughest experiences and move on. Different, but
still able to say yes to life. Recall the story of Persephone being
pulled into the underworld. She never fully comes back, but her life is
certainly full. The sheltered daughter of Zeus and Demeter, Persephone
lives a peaceful life until one day, innocently picking flowers with
her nymph playmates, the earth opens up and devours her. Hades, god of
the dead, has burst through a cleft in the earth to abduct Persephone
to become his underground queen. Zeus eventually negotiates the release
of his daughter, and things get better, but they are never the same.
Before Hades lets Persephone go, he makes her eat pomegranate seeds, so
she cannot stay away forever. Part of each year she must return
underground, since she has eaten from its depth.
I remember well the feeling of eating dirt in a minefield. Life never
quite tasted the same. I think if we pick up treasures there in the
underworld or in the dirt and integrate them, part of us will always
belong to that other place. We may miss our earlier innocence -- before
our date -- when life was simpler, God was simpler, and relationships
were simpler. But we must eschew a victim mentality and teach our peers
and our children to tap into the positive power of a survivor society.
We follow in the steps of survivors, aspiring to thrive.
Why, with what I've seen, do I still believe fiercely in life's
possibility and potential? Am I just an idealist? Yes, proudly so. I
possess a deep-rooted optimism and faith in people and the universe. I
know we can all do better, be better, choose better. So why don't we?
There's absolutely nothing special about me. The survivors you met in
this book prove the point and the potential and resilience of the human
spirit -- your spirit. It's all about choices, matched by determination
to survive well.
The Five Steps on our survivor journey offer a way not just to recover,
not just to survive, but to thrive. Step by step, we find power to
convert our dates -- the days that change us -- to become more
than we were before the illness or the accident. We understand
survivorship is anything bur linear: it's a process that involves three
steps forward, a flashback or two, and then a leap ahead. Each of us is
a mixed breed of survivor and victim. One day we can exhibit healthy
survivor behavior and then reveal less attractive victim behavior the
next. No one is perfectly resilient or consistent. But we progress, day
by day, step by step, if we want.
Like Mandela, always remember to keep your face turned toward the sun.
Strength and purpose are yours.
Face Facts. Choose Life. Reach Out. Get Moving. Give Back.
Be inspired and thrive.
It's your choice.
Copyright © 2008 Jerry White