Written Voices Book Excerpt: Get Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself

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Excerpt from Get Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself

by Sean Stephenson

Slowwwwww . . . Downnnnnn . . .

One thing I hear over and over from clients is that they just don't have enough time. That's kind of funny, because our world moves fast, and we move fast -- you'd think we'd have plenty of time. But moving fast makes us feel as if we can't catch up. Rushing certainly doesn't give us physical confidence. When we're running at top speed all the time, we can't relax, and others can't relax around us.

The solution is easy: Slow. Down.Your. Movements.

I'm not talking about moving as if you were running in slow motion; I am simply suggesting that you be more aware of how your body is moving. If you want to be more comfortable with yourself and make others feel comfortable when they are around you, pay attention to the following areas:

Relax. Keep your entire body loose. If your fists are clenched, release them. Let go of any tension you're harboring anywhere in your body.
Breathe. if you're taking shallow breaths, begin taking slower and deeper breaths. Be sure to exhale completely! If you find yourself fidgeting (for example, dipping your hands in and out of your pockets; fiddling with any object obsessively; chewing your nails; playing with your hair; tapping your feet, hands, or fingers), take a deep breath in, smile, gently place your body in a comfortable position -- and leave it there.
Slow down your blinking. Be aware of your blinking rate. If it's too fast, slow it down.
Bring your head up. Keep your shoulders back and your head up. This will almost automatically keep your optimism up. When we look out at the world, we think about things outside ourselves. When we look down, we tend to go inward. Our mind accesses self-talk and emotions, and that can disconnect us from the present moment. Keeping your shoulders back will also open up your heart chakra and show others that you're open to giving and receiving love.
Adopt good posture. Keep your body relaxed and slightly asymmetric. No sitting or standing at attention, with, shoulders squared and feet together, like a soldier. This symmetric posture conveys the message that you're ready to attack, whereas holding your body slightly (yet consciously) off kilter conveys you have no intention to cause harm. You're just there to relax and have a good time.
Use a strong tone of voice. Keep your voice under conscious control. if you listen to any good radio DJ, you'll notice that he never speaks in a slow, boring monotone. He keeps the volume, tempo, and pitch of his voice smooth and controlled. When he takes breaths, he makes the sound intentional.
Smile! Please don't force a big, scary, stiff smile that stays plastered on your face no matter what. Make it a gentle, subtle smile that comes from your open heart and feels comfortable.
Be peaceful. The more still and calm you are, the better. Our eyes and ears catch sudden or awkward changes in movements and sounds, and automatically register them as potential threats. The more you can keep your body still and your voice controlled and relaxed, the better equipped you'll be to keep the peace around you and certainly within you.

Sensory Acuity

If you pay close attention to microchanges in physiology, you can tell when your feelings (or someone else's feelings) are shifting. Our awareness of these details is referred to as sensory acuity. The following physical cues telegraph your internal emotional condition:

Pupil dilation: The larger the pupils, the more open and connected we feel (if not influenced by direct light or drugs, that is).
Flushed skin: The more red the skin (specifically in the face), the more uncomfortable, fearful, embarrassed, or sexually nervous we feel.
Muscle tension: The tenser the facial muscles, specifically around the eyes, the more uncomfortable we are. Neck tension is a very good indicator of feeling overwhelmed.
Quick breathing: The more quickly we breathe (unless we have just done some physical activity), the shallower the
breaths we take, and the higher in the lungs our breath comes from, the more constricted we feel (and probably are) overall. If we take slow, deep, and fully belly breaths, we're likely to be more comfortable in the moment.
Lip configuration: if our lips are unnaturally pursed and slightly white, we're likely to be upset or extremely displeased. If the lips are full, smooth, and a deep shade of red, we may be feeling sexually aroused, emotionally excited, or at total peace.

The above is an excerpt from the book Get Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself by Sean Stephenson. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.